11 October: I am a drinker of wine. 

It’s National Coming Out day today. And I’m going to do it! I’m going to stand up against the haters and shout it out loud and proud. “I am not a drinker of beer. I am not a drinker of lager. I AM A WINE DRINKER.”

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It’s time to confront the stigma of not liking shit alcoholic drinks ( or worst of all, water) and of not being willing to settle for mass produced generic rubbish that does nothing to compliment great food and entertaining conversation. The current climate of hate and division is disgusting and someone needs to take a stand for RWFP (red, white, fizzy, pink) rights. Burn a flag, take a knee but shout loudly that you are a wine lover.

Because standing up for all those varieties of grapes is about more than just standing up for all those varieties of grapes! It’s about celebrating diversity, the wonders of difference and the worldwide rainbow brotherhood of food. 

A Merlot will never be a Syrah and vice versa. So what? That’s what makes life great – everyone being the best variety they were made to be and not trying to be another. If we did that we’d live in a shitty brown coca cola world and people like Trump would call the shots to streets full of generic bigots hung up on skin colour and sexual preferences….

Oh hold on ….

So it’s time to fight back and I’m coming out for the entire spectrum of the vine. Right here. Right Now. Will you join me?

A quote: “Good wine needs no bush.” William Shakespeare

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10 October: keeping sane with grapes. 

It’s World Mental Health Day today so let me give you an insight into how I keep my act together: I drink wine. I drink bucketfuls of the stuff and I find that this simple one stop technique pretty much keeps me the right side of sane. (This might not work for everyone btw – check with you doctor first and don’t tell him my name.)

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They may well recommend something different but, beware, it’s probably just a way to get some of your cash. How much is a therapist these days anyway? Is it more than £5 a bottle? In that case my technique leaves me quids in and today I’m giving it away free.

Here it is; practice it until it becomes second nature. 

Boss being a twat?  Therapy: Wine

Lover being a twat? Therapy: Wine.

Kids playing up? Therapy: Wine.

Someone died? Therapy: Wine

You’re dying? Therapy: Wine

There you get the idea. I’ll see you tomorrow still sane and just a little hungover. (We can get through this.)

A quote:

Champagne is the one thing that gives me zest when I am tired.” – Brigitte Bardot
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9 October: Give grapes a chance.

It’s World Post day today AND it’s John Lennon’s birthday. A perfect excuse to Imagine a better world. John, obviously had his own ideas of what would make the world a better place – everyone wearing white suits, grand pianos in every room and staying in bed all day with Yoko. Fair enough – everyone is entitled to their own vision of perfection.

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Mine would be a different vision  – a world where you ordered loads of wine online, the post delivered it later that day, you rang up your workplace to tell them to stuff their job and then you got really drunk. (I’d maybe steal a bit from John and stay in bed all day but not with Yoko – probably with TWO Halle Berrys – one as Catwoman and one as Storm from the X Men.) And then to top off the previous night’s wine, purring and violent rainfall – you’d wake up in the morning to discover you didn’t have a hangover, Storm and Catwoman didn’t want anything serious – just weekly throw away fun – and your workplace had got really badly burned in the night time when all that (unexpected) rainfall had caused an electrical fault. (Almost as though someone had been having supernatural, red hot sex with two mutants somewhere close by…… Spooky.)

 Now that would be a day! And just the thought of it probably means that in some parallel universe you’ve just picked the phone up to ring a wine supplier. So somehow, somewhere it’s probably real.

No need to Imagine any more then.

In fact there’s only one thing to do – in this universe – open a bottle of wine, turn on YouTube and get stunningly drunk listening to John Lennon. (I’ll put Catwoman on in a different tab.)

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8 October: discover the wonders of the world with fermented grapes. 

Today is a great day for wine drinkers! It’s Discoverer’s Day! (Well it is in Hawaii but let’s not get too bogged down in the details.)

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It’s probably about celebrating somebody discovering something once upon a time and all that type of shizzle. Great stuff. But – for a wine drinker – it’s a great day to sit back and think back longingly to that first time you ever drank the ambrosial wonder of fermented grapes.

You probably didn’t even like it – obviously not, because you were young and stupid back then. But, slowly over the years, as you’ve got more wise and cultured you realise that getting absolutely off your face on wine is fucking awesome! Better than beer, better than lager, better than those brightly coloured alcopops that make the youngsters fat and insulin dependant. (Take a look at the finely toned and athletic looking monk in today’s image for proof; this look is achieved not by hours in a gym but by evenings engaged in sustained drinking.) 

So try to rejoice in those feelings of wonder and discovery today. Maybe even go the whole hog and try to buy a grape variety you’ve never had before. (Probably not very easy you drunken fool!) Or a country you don’t normally buy from. Or just a label you think you’ve not had before.

Because you – and people like the other three readers of my site – we are discoverers and we rule the world!

A quote: “Wine is at the head of all medicines; where wine is lacking, drugs are necessary.” – Babylonian Talmud: Baba Bathra

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7 October: Howling loudly to the gods of wine.

Today in 1955 saw Allen Ginsberg do his first performance of the poem “Howl” in the Six Gallery San Fransisco. It’s the birth of “beat.” With lots of references to drugs and wild sex it’s a perfect soundtrack to a bottle of wine. (And, as it lasts about 20 minutes, it’s perfect!)

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I like it just because it shook up the establishment a little – the way all good things should and because it was the centre of controversy and obscenity trials – again, exactly as all good things should be.

And Ginsberg threw out some good quotes along the way such as “Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness.” (I say stuff like this to Mrs Drink Wine when I send her out in the rain to get more wine and,  like some protective talisman, it always leads to her returning safely with a glorious example of wine’s rich tapestry AND something cheap with a yellow discount label on it that she grabbed from The Great Big Bin out back.)

Anyway: you can listen to Howl HERE whilst watching film of a stripper dancing in front of a sunset. Is there anything NOT to like! (Open the wine.) Or substitute your own visual in annother tab. 

A quote: “Tell your secrets.” Allen Ginsberg. (No doubt he means tell them to an open bottle of wine.)

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6 October: drinking wine on a ‘wootday.’

Here’s a weird fact for you – on 6th October 1923, the USSR tried to adopt its own experimental calendar. As far as the months went they all stayed the same but the days saw radical change.  Wednesdays got a brand new name – Wootday and the whole weekend was simply kicked into touch. (In essence, you wound up with five day weeks, and six week months (twelve months of thirty days.) The remainders became national holidays.)

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So, in a heartbeat, no weekend. What a nightmare – no doubt millions of dark Russian eyes locked over steaming piles of black bread and silently wondered what had become of the nights to justifiably go out and get absolutely wrecked on wine? (Okay their minds were probably set on vodka but this is a wine site; just cut me some alcoholic slack and go with the idea the whole world operates on thoughts of fermented grapes.) 

Well the workforce quickly found its own innovative solution to this conundrum: it simply continued to get smashed anyway – weekend or not. But – and here’s the surprising bit – there was no drop in the amount they manufactured. The reason: apparently they had always shown up drunk beforehand regardless of the names of the months or the days. They knew – as we all secretly do – that the only way to get through a day at work without punching someone – is to go in drunk and go home drunker.

So today let’s celebrate like it’s a Wootday. Eat something Russian, watch amusing Putin memes on line and speculate on how much for Trump’s Twitter feed is checked by some Kremlin eyes before its rantings  hit the American breakfast tables.

A quote: “”Since you poured the wine for me and tightened up my shoes
I’d hate to leave you sitting there composing lonesome blues.” The Grateful Dead.

 

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5 October: teach us to love wine. 

It’s World Teachers Day. And, if there was ever a tribe who understood the cathartic powers of wine, it is the teachers of the world.

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Current statistics suggest that teachers probably drink around 90 percent of the wine in the world – mainly at weekends, after day trips and during school hols. They are a mighty force to be reckoned with in the world of wine.

Between drinks they do a wonderful job educating young minds and trying to teach imbeciles that the foundations of maths, physics and language are still valid principles in a world of mobile phones.

They also stop people writing things that don’t make sense with misplaced apostrophes and, as if that’s not enough, share thousands of educational memes on Facebook.

We love them. Wine loves them. (Or as most of their pupils write “Wine love’s them.”)

And most importantly they love wine.

Pass me a bottle.

Teachers: they rock. So does wine. 

A quote: “Wine is earth’s answer to the sun.” Margaret Fuller

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4 October: the art of wine and food.

It’s Cinnamon Roll day today. (Well it is in Sweden anyway and that’s good enough for me.)

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So let’s show solidarity with the great nation of blonde by buying some cinnamon buns  (or kanelbulles as they call them there) and eating them – instead of wasting our valuable time on a proper meal – with loads of wine.

Play some Abba or something as you do it.

They’re lots of arguments about the art of pairing food to wine and no doubt some of this sites more “learned” visitors will have very strong opinions as to whether or not wine compliments a cinnamon bun. Some will even know specific grape varieties to “bring out the fun” in a cinnamon bun.

These readers should obviously be guided by their own understanding of the mysteries of the vine.

But – for the rest of us – is there a simple rule to make pairing wine to food easier?

Well here’s mine:

Do you have any food?

Yes?

Do you have any wine?

Yes.

Then put the two together and, as a rule of thumb this will be a spectacular combination. And – should you have forgotten to buy food – don’t panic. Wine goes perfectly well with more wine. In some cases it’s even better than bothering with the faff of eating.

You’re welcome.

A quote: “Food without wine is a corpse; wine without food is a ghost.” Andre Simon.

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3 October: the ongoing mystery of getting drunk in Baltimore.

Wine – as this site often says – should be used to commemorate great events that would otherwise just become dead moments  of history. Wine let’s us remember all the little milestones of history in a real and tangible way.

And today is a great day for those of us who drink wine to commemorate the minutiae of life!

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Because today in 1849 they found Edgar Allan Poe delirious in a gutter in Baltimore wearing clothes that were not his and mumbling incoherently about someone called “Reynolds.” This is of course something that has happened to us all.

But the difference for Poe was that this marked the final time that he was seen alive. A week later he was dead.

And – as he was the inventor of the modern mystery story – it’s appropriate that he should exit the world “in mysterious circumstances” involving all the classic hallmarks of such events – generic clothes, strange but unseen names and the hint of madness or violence. What is the story behind all this? History has been unable to provide any concrete answers. 

Could it just be that he was off his tits on wine and owed a drink by some so called friend by the name of Reynolds and that his original clothes had become “soiled” in a unfortunate bathroom incident whilst under the influence. Nothing supernatural or terrifying  in that – it’s almost a template Saturday night in this house..

But whatever the facts, as wine drinkers we have a duty to keep the mystery alive and suggest there was “more to it.” I like to think he was reading stuff like this demonology site which belongs to my workmate Jamie the Satanist and it was the devils that did it.

Either way let’s get pissed, recite The Raven and go and light candles in the gutter for Edgar.

A quote: “What is better than to sit at the end of the day and drink wine with friends or substituted for friends. ” James Joyce. 

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2 October: making dull people seem more interesting.

“I drink to make other people interesting.”

So said the genius that was Groucho Marx and he was born today in 1890. His is a birthday that should truly be celebrated by the unbeatable beauty of wine.

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What better excuse to do some office networking and put expensive wine on the work’s tab. Surround yourself with truly boring individuals – clients, bosses, random people who occasionally pass through – and then set about seeing exactly how much wine you need to consume before they start to seem bearable.

My current average is about three bottles. (Although often by then I’ve simply just met other people more inclined towards an evening of fermented grape juice and left the geeks behind muttering into their glasses of iced water and their low fat muffins about the mundane subjects that interest them.)

They all look the same; they all talk the same; they all have the same buzz words and  motivations.

But my table rocks with different stories and exciting characters who take chances, have fun and oil their lives with the lubrication of wine. If Groucho was still alive you know where he’d be.

So today raise a glass to his comic genius – the laughs, the films, the timeless one liners. They don’t make ’em like they used to way back then.

A quote: “I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.” W.C Fields.

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