4 August: The patron saint of obscure reasons to get drunk.

Imagine being made responsible for all the woes of young girls! What a nightmare – they’d be coming round at all hours to talk to you about One Direction’s break up, Kim Kardashian’s eye shadow and lamenting that none of their clothes had pockets. You’d be barricading your door in a week – it’s enough to try a saint’s patience.

(This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.)

And funnily enough today is Saint Sithney’s day who, as you’ll discover, had a narrow escape from such a nightmarish fate.  I’m no fan of religion but I do like it when it tears off down wild and surreal alleyways to deliver crazy saints of this and that. (I like Catholic kitsch as well but my love affair with flock Virgin Marys and shell grottoes are stories for another day.) Sithney then – and all his madcap ilk of random saint days -should be celebrated with wine. (Drink one from France with a St. on its label if you want to be clever. It impresses the opposite sex as do ones with an X somewhere in their name.)

But I’m digressing; giving away valuable lifehacks as if they’re candy to allow yourself to seem cultured wherever you are. 

So, to return to today’s post and old Sithney the boyband hating priest. You see, God  (allegedly) approached Sithney and told him that He’d highlighted him to be fast tracked to the top and appointed in the ‘highly desirable role’ of The Patron Saint of Young Girls. But Sithney – obviously a cool, never flustered, straight thinking wine drinker – declined and said that actually, on balance, he’d rather be the saint of mad dogs than young celebrity/clothing obsessed girlies who spend their days pouting on Insta.

And – as on this occasion we appear to be dealing with the New Testament Hippie God rather than the blood crazed psychopath of the Old Testament – God agreed and Lo, Sithney was made The Patron Saint of Mad Dogs.

And – even today, in his Cornwall parish- there’s a well where they take mental and otherwise unwell dogs to to be healed. (The young girls go to chat rooms and talk about Snapchat filters so he obviously made the right choice.)

We’ll not bother with well water though – or snap chat filters –  we’ll just go straight to the vino.

Cheers St Sithney.

And a quote,:

“Wine is the sort of alcoholic beverage that does not destroy but enriches life; does not distort but clairfies perspective; does not seduce except in a way worth humanly being seduced.” – Bill St. John

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