12 July: Art – it’s all about sex. Sex, it’s all about wine.

Do you have any artistic talent? Or were you one of those kids who the art teacher used to look at with raised eyebrows all the time because, to an untrained eye, what you produced looked a lot like scribble.

(This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.)

And you sort of fell for the lie that you had no natural ability until years later you saw some Picasso and noticed that it’d had taken him and his ilk years to reach the point where you started.

Man, you could have been a contender, a champion even. And what a life – enticing hot guys and gals back to pose naked for you and have sex to feed your muse. And obviously you’d be drinking wine to keep the talent well lubricated. I work in the arts and sadly, many of today’s artists seem to have forgotten that THE MAIN FUCKING AIM of art is to get laid. They seem to think it’s about self expression or – worse still – creating a brand. Knobs.

But – just because that’s the modern way – doesn’t mean that’s how you have to do it. Us wine drinkers can plough our own furrow. So let’s use today as an excuse to reignite the dream because today in 1960 they first put the Etch a Sketch on sale and, now all this time later, you can pick one up for next to nothing in a second hand store.

So buy one, linger in the hot typist’s office and tell her/him that you want to draw an artistic straight lined version of their hotness back at your place after dark. Tell them some art themed bollocks about ‘absent content’ and the like; oil the wheels with wine, lots of wine.

This – an etch a sketch, the word jazz, the wine – is art taken back to its most basic building blocks. And you – YOU AND THAT STRAIGHT LINED STUFF YOU DO ON THE RED MACHINE  – YOU ARE THE NEXT BIG THING; YOU ARE THE FUTURE.

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