26 June: When you are wronged channel the spirit of the ratcatcher + celebrate revenge with wine.

Ever had one of those days when some idiot – generally a boss or a jobsworth somewhere or another – lies to your face – telling you that everything will be fine; that you’re valued; respected; they’ve got your back and won’t let you down – not like EVER – in the face of adversity.

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(This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.)

And then – when the shit does actually hit the fan – they dance around on the spot, jumping up and down pointing right at YOU shouting that it’s all YOUR fault, that YOU’RE  the one to blame and denying that they ever promised you an unbelievable reward for anything ever because YOU ARE CRAP!!!!

And then, to make matters worse, because the world has perfectly reasonable laws which work most of the time, you can’t actually respond and shout right back or grab them round the neck and shout “You absolute cock” into their face. And you just have to stand there and somehow manage to not let the words: You are a cock escape from your lips.

Well we drink wine today because we remember that there is another way to deal with incidents like these, a way that gives you an instant upper hand and is the very stuff of legend.  And to whom do we look to discover this mysterious way of revenge? Sages? Priests? Sons of Gods?  No – these people know shit when it comes to The Real World. We need to turn to the profession who understand the hidden mechanisms of revenge and retribution:  that’s right – ratcatchers!

Never – like never ever ever – double cross or be a two faced knob to a ratcatcher because you will live to regret it. The people of Hamelin in Germany remember that today with their annual Ratcatcher’s Day and we will drink wine for the same reason –  to remember the time that one man went the extra mile – admittedly a bit too far – to mess with their heads and get what he was due.

And then, the next time you get an opportunity channel that same “I will not be wronged” persona you will remember this glorious day and counter attack hard.

And if it works (which it will), drink wine. And if you get sacked which you probably will if you like REALLY, REALLY go for it, drink wine. (You see, it’s actually a win/win.) Just don’t steal children, okay? Stick to money and naked pictures they stored on the cloud, that should do the trick.

A quote: “Every time I open a bottle of wine it’s an amazing trip somewhere.” Jose Andres

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