23 June: Shout out to the aliens – we’ve got wine ……

Today in 1974 humankind – under the guidance of geniuses Carl Sagan and Dr Frank Drake  – sent the Arecibo message into outer space to see if we could elicit a response from those difficult to engage aliens.

(This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.)

Because someone like Sagan was involved, rather than someone like you or me, the message managed to contain a wealth of information about the human form, our location in the universe, science and atomic numbers. (Plus other stuff.) And it looked good.

I can’t help but think that, should the wine drinkers of the world have been enlisted with the task it would have ended up looking like some teenage drawing of a penis with the word wine written across it. But here’s the thing – whilst the Arecibo is super clever and appealing – the tribe of aliens out there haven’t bothered to respond – unless you believe the crop circle geeks who claim they responded in Hampshire in the UK. (Where else?!) (I choose not to believe the crop circle geeks, in case you were wondering – I’ve been to Hampshire and it doesn’t strike me as somewhere that’d appeal to extraterrestrials. )

But I think it might be this very cleverness that has gone against the Arecibo. It’s highly likely that some grey, big eyed thing got it whilst they were struggling with a hangover and and simply thought;What the fuck is this? (I routinely do this with messages marked Urgent at work and, up until now, nothing has come of it.)

But let us imagine :A BIG PENIS WITH THE WORD WINE WRITTEN ACROSS IT falling into the ET inbox. It simply cannot be ignored. (Even I’d elevate it up the organisation.)

This then is the way forward – cocks, wine glasses and cracking the enigma of intergalactic friendship. As always, they should have passed the problem to the wine drinkers of the world and we’d all be charging around on little rockets by now, just a little bit drunk.  Oh well …..

A quote: “Great wines taste like they come from somewhere. Lesser wines taste interchangeable; they could come from anywhere. You can’t fake somewhereness. You can’t manufacture it but – when you taste a wine that has it – you know.” Matt Kramer.

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