15 June: Madly waving the flag of drunkenness.

Have you ever – in your most bored moments – looked at images of the flag for Denmark and wanted to know more about it? Have you ever – in your most annoyed moments – wanted to have a fantastic answer to that office knob who looks at your grape juice disguised wine in the soda bottle and says: “Drinking again?”

(This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.)

Well,  today is your lucky day because you’re about to learn how to use a simple thing like a flag (although any old rubbish will do really) to claim that you’re drinking for a cultural reason and that they (aforementioned Office Knob) should be ashamed of themselves for NOT drinking on such an important commemorative day and that it makes you think that they might, actually, be a terrorist or something.

So, let’s rehearse the conversation.

Office Knob (hereafter abbreviated to OK): “Drinking again?”

You: Isn’t everyone?

OK: Well I’m not. I think it’s only you?

You: Why are you so anti Europe? So insular and nationalistic? Are you a terrorist?

OK: What?

You: Today in 1219 it the Dannebrog – that’s what people who love their neighbors call the red and white flag – fell from the sky* during the battle of Lyndanisse and is now thought to be the world’s oldest flag. Surely anyone with a single ounce of cultural respect would want to celebrate the birth of a nation, the mighty intervention of angels?

OK: Are you Danish?

You: Are you a terrorist? Are you trying to discriminate against me for my love of all things flag like? I’m going to ring the anti terror hotline AND speak to my union.

OK: Let’s just forget about it.

Job Done: Office Knob will hate that you’re more culturally aware than them, will not mention ‘the issue of the wine’ and (added bonus) absolutely crap themselves everytime a stranger knocks on their door.

Wine: it’s fucking ace. (Denmark is probably okay too.)

A quote: “Truth and folly dwell in the wine cask.” Danish proverb.


*This is most likely not true.

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