THIS IS THE BORING BIT EXPLAINING THE RATIONALE: TODAY’S POST IS THE NEXT ONE DOWN.
A year ago (May 2016) when I started my daily rant about stuff ( an excuse to invent random reasons to get drunk) – my idea was to celebrate the Zen like qualities of wine. It’s a drink of the moment. It’s something to stop time when time goes too slowly or too quickly.
It’s all about enjoying the here and now. And I wanted the site to reflect that – to post something funny, moving or just me going on about some stuff and then delete it the next day. All of that is gone; move on. This, after all is the ethos of fine wine and fine company. We all fuck up, we all occasionally get it magically right. And then the sun sets and rises and off we go again.
But, it didn’t work. Occasionally I’d get comments (from my solid readership of four) and not be able to reply. Or people would look for the link from Twitter days later and it was no more. So I’m changing it.
So, this year, I’M GOING TO LEAVE THE FUCKING POSTS ON HERE FOR EVER LIKE A NORMAL BLOG!!!!!! (It might double my readership, who knows….)
Anyway we’ll see.
But, just to be different, I’m giving the site a theme tune to be played whilst reading the posts. ‘All the wine’ by TheNational. I’ll post it at the top of all the posts. Click it, it’ll open in a different tab and then read the post. Even if what I write is shit, the song is genius.
We are, after all, festivals, parades: we are drinkers of wine.
Ever had one of those days when some idiot – generally a boss or a jobsworth somewhere or another – lies to your face – telling you that everything will be fine; that you’re valued; respected; they’ve got your back and won’t let you down – not like EVER – in the face of adversity.
And then – when the shit does actually hit the fan – they dance around on the spot, jumping up and down pointing right at YOU shouting that it’s all YOUR fault, that YOU’RE the one to blame and denying that they ever promised you an unbelievable reward for anything ever because YOU ARE CRAP!!!!
And then, to make matters worse, because the world has perfectly reasonable laws which work most of the time, you can’t actually respond and shout right back or grab them round the neck and shout “You absolute cock” into their face. And you just have to stand there and somehow manage to not let the words: You are a cock escape from your lips.
Well we drink wine today because we remember that there is another way to deal with incidents like these, a way that gives you an instant upper hand and is the very stuff of legend. And to whom do we look to discover this mysterious way of revenge? Sages? Priests? Sons of Gods? No – these people know shit when it comes to The Real World. We need to turn to the profession who understand the hidden mechanisms of revenge and retribution: that’s right – ratcatchers!
Never – like never ever ever – double cross or be a two faced knob to a ratcatcher because you will live to regret it. The people of Hamelin in Germany remember that today with their annual Ratcatcher’s Day and we will drink wine for the same reason – to remember the time that one man went the extra mile – admittedly a bit too far – to mess with their heads and get what he was due.
And then, the next time you get an opportunity channel that same “I will not be wronged” persona you will remember this glorious day and counter attack hard.
And if it works (which it will), drink wine. And if you get sacked which you probably will if you like REALLY, REALLY go for it, drink wine. (You see, it’s actually a win/win.) Just don’t steal children, okay? Stick to money and naked pictures they stored on the cloud, that should do the trick.
A quote: “Every time I open a bottle of wine it’s an amazing trip somewhere.” Jose Andres
1606 and THEY (the powers that be, governments, organisations etc) are at it again doing what Bacchus and Drink Some Wine Today absolutely hate: forbidding things! In 1606 “they” only went and made St Jansday totally illegal!
The outrage of it. Fou de rage as the French say! (Thank you, Salomée.)
And, on this occasion to make matters even worse, it appears that they absolutely and totally succeeded because searching the Internet it quickly becomes apparent that although quite a few people know it’s forbidden no one knows what it was any more.
Fou de rage to the power of a hundred and sixty!
As wine drinkers we need to take a stand against this so – here’s the challenge: let’s restart St Jansday right here, right now. Guess what – a main part of it is drinking wine, listening to this song by The National that now provides a daily soundtrack to my ramblings and the rest is ……
Well it doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page so – if any of this site’s readers can add one do so now, reference this page as reinventing it and then make the rest up and we’ll all go along with it. Just remember the song and the wine…..
A quote: “Ah Jansday. Yes it was always the wildest, the most poetic, the most wine fuelled excuse for anything.” Mr Drink Wine Today, 25 June 2017
Today in 1374 in Aachen in Germany there was a sudden outbreak of St John’s Dance.
St John’s Dance or Dance mania was apparently a popular affliction for the masses in Europe between the 14th and 18th centuries. It’s main symptoms were bands of people making their way through the streets twitching and twerking long before Miley Cyrus jumped on the (by then) very old bandwagon. Oh and they hallucinated too. (The photo above is obviously nothing in the slightest to do with Germany but I was pushed for time and drinking minutes were tick tocking away.)
Today’s particularly memorable outburst is worth commemorating so be sure to drink some wine and use it as an excuse to tell the kids that cursory tale of the time you listened to dance bands for 48 hours straight in a fields, ate a “re-hydrating tablet” and spent the next 12 hours talking to angels called Thoth before collapsing from exhaustion in a bush. (And thinking you were Aleister Crowley.)
But you’re older now and wiser. Weekends don’t have to be train wrecks anymore – they can just be gentle slow speed collisions thanks to the wonder of glorious wine.
So grab a glass and let’s do this thing!!!!!
A quote: “It is the useless things that make life worth living and that make life dangerous too – wine, life, art, beauty. Without them life is safe but not worth bothering with.” Stephen Fry.
Today in 1974 humankind – under the guidance of geniuses Carl Sagan and Dr Frank Drake – sent the Arecibo message into outer space to see if we could elicit a response from those difficult to engage aliens.
Because someone like Sagan was involved, rather than someone like you or me, the message managed to contain a wealth of information about the human form, our location in the universe, science and atomic numbers. (Plus other stuff.) And it looked good.
I can’t help but think that, should the wine drinkers of the world have been enlisted with the task it would have ended up looking like some teenage drawing of a penis with the word wine written across it. But here’s the thing – whilst the Arecibo is super clever and appealing – the tribe of aliens out there haven’t bothered to respond – unless you believe the crop circle geeks who claim they responded in Hampshire in the UK. (Where else?!) (I choose not to believe the crop circle geeks, in case you were wondering – I’ve been to Hampshire and it doesn’t strike me as somewhere that’d appeal to extraterrestrials. )
But I think it might be this very cleverness that has gone against the Arecibo. It’s highly likely that some grey, big eyed thing got it whilst they were struggling with a hangover and and simply thought;What the fuck is this? (I routinely do this with messages marked Urgent at work and, up until now, nothing has come of it.)
But let us imagine :A BIG PENIS WITH THE WORD WINE WRITTEN ACROSS IT falling into the ET inbox. It simply cannot be ignored. (Even I’d elevate it up the organisation.)
This then is the way forward – cocks, wine glasses and cracking the enigma of intergalactic friendship. As always, they should have passed the problem to the wine drinkers of the world and we’d all be charging around on little rockets by now, just a little bit drunk. Oh well …..
A quote: “Great wines taste like they come from somewhere. Lesser wines taste interchangeable; they could come from anywhere. You can’t fake somewhereness. You can’t manufacture it but – when you taste a wine that has it – you know.” Matt Kramer.
Today in 1942 the US Congress formally adopted the pledge of allegiance. Times have changed and the world becomes a more and more dangerous and unpredictable place by the second. Time then to take a look at it again so that it’s not just for one nation, it’s for everybody.
A proud public statement of intent and loyalty is a noble thing and deserved to be remembered (we remember everything – remember – by getting stupidly drunk) but let’s not get too carried away about the wonder of the existing pledge. It only, after all, relates to a country with three hundred and odd million individuals coming together with a shared foundation. Imagine then if we – as a worldwide community of wine – started our evenings with a similar pledge. (I tried to work out a number but after a few false starts gave up and opened a bottle of French red.)
So let’s drink wine today like we always do but, as well as remembering that historic day in 1942, let’s think even bigger. Let’s change the world.
Let’s rewrite the pledge for ALL of us who drink wine, anywhere:
“I pledge allegiance to all the bottles of wine in my country and other people’s countries and to the freedom this beverage represents for all my fellow humans who drink it. One beverage given to us by whichever God we worship or whichever science we study. Over shared bottles of wine let us find common ground, liberty, justice and momentary release from the idiots who sometimes make our lives difficult.”
Let us deliver this pledge each time we drink facing an open bottle with our right hand over our hearts thinking of wine and those people we love.
Let’s start today and see the fractured world transform before our eyes.! Oh and play the song under the image as you say it – it’ll help you feel fucking awesome!
A quote: “Let’s pretend it’s Friday and have a glass of wine.” Tracey Foulkes.
Today is world yoga day so we should all be celebrating it by doing something like this guy in the photo:
Hmm, yeah right.
In fact forget that.
Let’s not bother. The fact that there are amazing people on the earth – not made out of ceramics – who can do this (and more) and spend a life time perfecting it is reason enough for us to open the wine and celebrate. Thanks to their life time commitment we don’t have to bother constantly getting into oddly named poses and, instead, can find our own slightly different spiritual release by downing some vino and using google advanced image search for (educational) terms like “hot,” “yoga,” “blonde,” and “firemen” to study this celebrate this mystical path.
Here’s a quote: “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” Benjamin Franklin.
This day in 1975 and Hollywood finally gave us another reason to emulate W.C. Fields and avoid water at all costs.
Jaws. It came out today and, on a subliminal level, reminded us that liquids other than wine are terrifying and unexplored landscapes that no one really understands. they are full of unseen dangers that the authorities try to hush up like bacteria, germs, recycled urine and big fuck off dead eyes fish that delight in biting people in two.
This, of course, should concern the joyless teetotalers of the world but not us – we know that true solace and safety resides in that red, white or rose colored nectar that is loving cared for and watched over by people who are anointed by God. What an absolutely fantastic reason to drink wine today and use the left over corks to block up the ends of your taps so that no evil creeps in via the demon Water.
A quote: “I throw a kiss across the sea, I drink the winds as drinking wine and dream they are all blown from thee, I catch the whisper’d kiss of thine.” Joaquin Miller.
Today in Uruguay is the wonderfully named “Never Again Day.” What a great reason to drink wine today!
From a quick internet search between drinks and “Sign In required” Rihanna videos it appears that it’s got something to do with important stuff like drawing a line under dark and stormy political times watched over by dictators. The thing is though – this site hasn’t actually got anything to do with The Important Stuff – it’s simply a random, rambling excuse to get drunk so we need to corrupt type of things for our own needs.
So, Never Again Day – we’ve all been there, awaking suddenly in a morning with that familiar heaviness and background headache and pledged out loud to any one who would listen: “Never again!”
Never again would you fall for the lies of the ‘so called experts’ and try to get through a full day without the calming balm of wine to allow you to forget your hours at work surrounded by idiots or your ongoing battle with the family to just Shut the Fuck Up.
Never again, indeed. These are the days when you need to pour wine directly over cornflakes for a mainline rush of normality. Let’s drink.
A quote: “My only regret in life is that I did not drink more wine.” Ernest Hemingway.
Today in 1940 Winston Churchill delivered his “this was their finest hour” speech in connection with the Battle of Britain. For once truly something worth celebrating – young men defending all the great things that allow us to drink in freedom and get tipsy without having to worry about Nazi thugs goosestepping through the streets. Plus, proof in Churchill’s inspiring character that if you can do a job well whilst sober, it’s highly likely you can do it to almighty levels of perfection when you’re allowed to do it drunk. (Once Churchill visited America during Prohibition, got hit by a car and promptly secured a prescription for alcohol for medicinal needs. Genius.)
Simply look at how Winston – probably half pickled by lunch – took these events and with the addition of a little drunken dramatics and a cool command of the English language produced one of the greatest inspirational speeches, anywhere, ever. It almost makes you wish that Britain produced half drinkable wine.
So let’s drink wine today to remember those brave crusaders and genuinely thank them for the sacrifices young people like those made for the rest of us. And to Winston for being a towering icon of continuing to get drunk in difficult circumstances.
And, when the wine shop seems a long way away and maybe it’s even raining – nightmare – Churchill’s call has an eternal message that right here, right now can be your finest hour if you choose to go over and above what seems expected.
So, to celebrate, let’s think of the price we normally pay for a bottle of wine and add half that amount again. Let’s stand up against terrible wine and be free!
A quote: “I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” Churchill.
Here’s a great reason to drink some wine today – on the 17th June 1885 the Statue of Liberty arrived in NYC aboard the French ship ‘Isere.’ The full name of the actual statue is Liberty Enlightening the World.
What a magnificent gift for one nation to give to another. She became a universal symbol of all the good things about democracy – freedom, liberty, opportunity. (Admittedly the twentieth century also saw a shift to it making the world think about people running around with guns needlessly shooting one another, fat folk consuming their own weight in soda, meals so big no reasonable person would even consider eating and, recently, Donald Trump shafting the climate with a big Russian made stick. Oh well, the good stuff was good whilst it lasted. )
But the thing is, although Liberty is indeed a magnificent gift between friends, let us not forget that France has given us an equally enduring and priceless gift to people like us – wine. What would you do with a massive statue anyway? You’d never get planning permission, the neighbors would complain and you’d never get any light.
But wine! Wine smooths business deals, brings people together and illuminates our life. That’s why it’s full name is Wine, bringer of wisdom, release and bliss. (And even better Trump doesn’t drink so you’ll never bump into him on the wine aisle.)
Drink deeply, my friend, drink deeply.
A quote: “Wine gives us liberty, wine takes it away, wine makes us princes, love makes us beggars.” Wycherly The Country Life.