There used to only ever be one, solitary post but ……


A year ago (May 2016) when I started my daily rant about stuff ( an excuse to invent random reasons to get drunk) – my idea was to celebrate the Zen like qualities of wine. It’s a drink of the moment. It’s something to stop time when time goes too slowly or too quickly.

It’s all about enjoying the here and now.  And I wanted the site to reflect that – to post something funny, moving or just me going on about some stuff and then delete it the next day. All of that is gone; move on. This, after all is the ethos of fine wine and fine company. We all fuck up, we all occasionally get it magically right. And then the sun sets and rises and off we go again.

But, it didn’t work. Occasionally I’d get comments (from my solid readership of four) and not be able to reply. Or people would look for the link from Twitter days later and it was no more. So I’m changing it.

So, this year, I’M GOING TO LEAVE THE FUCKING POSTS ON HERE FOR EVER LIKE A NORMAL BLOG!!!!!! (It might double my readership, who knows….)

Anyway we’ll see.

But, just to be different, I’m giving the site a theme tune to be played whilst reading the posts. ‘All the wine’ by TheNational. I’ll post it at the top of all the posts. Click it, it’ll open in a different tab and then read the post. Even if what I write is shit, the song is genius.

We are, after all, festivals, parades: we are drinkers of wine.



20 March: a story about a hero called Wine.

Okay; need a reason to drink some wine? Well here’s two – today is International Day Of Happiness AND it’s World Storytelling Day. (Plus I can throw in a very personal third one – I’ve just returned from a weekend with the in laws meeting extended family, avoiding inbred villagers and having meals WITHOUT wine. It’s like the fucking dark ages!)


This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.

The latter though is solely MY problem and shouldn’t find its way onto an “ever growing” (more to follow) communal blog for wine lovers.

And so, back to story telling, back to happiness. Back to drinking fermented grapes.

Let me tell you a great story that will make you so happy you’ll think: let’s open a bottle of vino and get pleasantly drunk and thus pull all these random strands together.

Once upon a time I went away to visit the mad in laws with Mrs Drink Wine today and, whilst we were there, we hid behind the sofa to avoid the local inbreds, pretended that we only drank water with our meals and found common ground in going to bed every night saying – just as we turned out the light: “I right want a glass of wine, right now. Like a big one. In fact a bottle. Like now.”

And, stuck in the middle of fucking nowhere we didn’t get any – not even a drop – BUT when we got home we discovered that this site has got a brand new viewer and we said, why don’t we celebrate by getting absolutely legless on Cabernet Sauvignon, And we did AND we were incredibly happy. (And here’s a photo of me drinking red wine and reading from the 1936 classic Mon Docteur Le Vin* to illustrate our happiness.)

You too can follow this recipe for a tip top life: write rambling bollocks online every day and rejoice in all the little things along the way whilst everyone else frets about the bottom line /the price of fish / the dangers of North Korea etc etc

What’s not to like? In the words of David Byrne : That’s what makes my life so fuckin’ fantastic.”

A quote: “Drinking water is intellectual suicide.” Gaston Derys. (Mon Docteur Let Vin.)

*Mon Docteur Le Vin plotline: wine cures everything, is good for children and essential for athletes, intellectuals etc etc.


19 March: wine in a yurt dreaming of vengeance.

Spoiler alert: generic and glib racail stereotype ahead

I like Mongolians – they seem like a people who stand up for themselves, take no shit and don’t run away when the detritus hits the fan. People like that have my respect and, today in 1279 saw these character traits brought to the fore to ensure a Mongolian victory at the naval Battle of Yamen. This victory ended the Song Dynasty in China.

Now I’ve nothing against the Chinese, nice nation, nice food etc but, tonight, I’m going to watch that film about Genghis Khan and slowly get wrecked on wine. Then off to bed for super barbaric animalistic sex to to dream of beheading the management team (and everyone else who once accidentally offended me and found their way into my vendetta list.) Happy days!

I might even go to sleep in a yurt.


(This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.)

A quote: “We all look for happiness, but without knowing where to find it: like drunkards who look for their house, knowing dimly that they have one.” Voltaire.


18 March: Poppin’ Tannins. (Aka Wine.)

It’s a big day today so get out the good stuff, the rare vintage bottle you’ve been keeping for something special.

And, if you’re so inclined, then something white would be appropriate because today in 1961 the genius that is the Poppin’ Fresh, aka the Pillsbury Dough Boy was introduced.


This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.

Despite eating nothing but pastry – like most Americans – he somehow – unlike most Americans – manages to maintain a sleek (ish) figure that rocks the chef hat look. (And his soft podgy head accurately predicts the current president’s moronic chic look.)

Plus here’s an interesting fact – Pillsbury produced a range of dolls that included a female version called Poppie Fresh but didn’t explain her ‘relationship’ to Poppin’. The ongoing debate amongst those obsessed by such things is as to whether she is his wife or girlfriend or sister.

There’s a debate to have when you’re drunk and stuffing your face with croissants.

Anyway, strange as they all are, the Pilbiry family all have a trustworthy and iconic look to them making them the type of freakish ghostly family you’d be likely to introduce to all your mates. A lot like a great bottle of wine really.

(Make my white wine red in colour please. Let’s not get silly.)

A quote: “We Persians have a saying that one should deliberate serious matters first drunk, then sober.” Mary Renault.


17 March: Cakes. Rubber. Wine.

It’s St Patrick’s Day! Yawn.

Why? Because – unless you’re Irish and drink alcohol in its heavy black incarnation of stout, it’s of very little interest to us. And all those religious overtones! Surely, as a site for super dooper creative wine drinkers (all four or five as us) we have a duty to strive slightly higher than mundane stuff like this.


This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.

Thankfully though history is kind to us. Because today – whilst the whole world got carried away by Patrick’s Christian Mumbo Jumbo Day, real people – real, GREAT people – who didn’t get lost in fairy tales and omens, were off exploring the world seeing what they could do to make it better; inventing REAL things that would make a REAL difference to REAL peoples’s lives. And 17th March seems to be a particularly fruitful day because, in 1845 the rubber band was patented by Stephen Perry of London AND, in Bristol, Henry Jones patented self-raising flour!

What a fantastic day.

So, let the fantasists worship a non existent saint who allegedly chased snakes into the sea and enabled loads of clergy to abuse loads of innocent people! I, my friends, will say a thank you to Mr Perry and Mr Jones who, much more usefully, enabled people to bake super cakes and join together bundles of stuff that previously fell apart. The two of them were geniuses and should both be remembered with copious amounts of wine!

A quote: “I’m not much for parties. Sometimes you have to wear a funny hat, sometimes they expect you to eat sushi, which is like eating bait. And there’s always some totally drunk girl who thinks you’re smitten by her, when what you’re really wondering is if she’ll vomit on your shirt or instead on your shoes.” Dean Koontz


16 March: NSA algorithm successfully identifies man as ‘a lover of wine.’

It’s Freedom of Information Day today. So, let me tell my readership of three some facts that the spooks at the NSA and MI5 already know because of their ever so annoying habit of monitoring everyone’s web activity and scanning texts for the word ‘bomb.’ (I’m no expert but, in light of recent events, maybe they should should try expanding it for words like ‘gun’ and ‘that nerve agent.’)

Anyhow, their high tech algorithm will already have worked out the following: I like wine. I fucking love it. Mainly red, sometimes fizzy, rarely white. Big, fat juicy ones. Ones on special offer and the wonders of the bin ends.

This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.

And, best of all, French because it’s got a certain character and kudos that Chile and California just can’t match. And I like to walk home – slightly drunk under the moonlight carrying just a single bottle of wine and a baguette whilst thinking, ever so slightly, of the Japanese haiku poet Basho.

And I don’t like authority, have little time for religion and think that science – on the whole – is the way to go.

So let’s drink something. Life is short and, when you’re dead, that’s it so make the most of it.


A quote: “Intoxicated? The word did not express it by a mile. He was oiled, boiled, fried, plastered, whiffled, sozzled, and blotto.” PG Wodehouse.


15 March: the betrayal of sobriety.

15th March is – apparently -Brutus Day. And when we think of Brutus we think of betrayal. And, when we think of betrayal we think about people you wouldn’t trust as far as you could throw them. And when we think about people we wouldn’t trust as far as we could throw them we think about managers and all other people who overuse the word ‘strategic.’.

And such nonsense inevitably makes us think of work and work makes us think of stress which, in turn, makes us want to chill out and have some important Me time. And from there we finally arrive at the word we’ve been looking for – WINE.

So that’s about seven steps (or eight, I’ve been drinking and maths is hard at the best of times) to justify your nightly glass/bottle of glorious vino. It never lets you down, it never stabs you in the back.


This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.

A quote: “What good in being a solitary, secret drinker?
We’re all drunkards together – let’s leave it at that.” Hafez.


14 March: Pie, pi and a mnemonic about drinking.

It’s Pi Day. Why? Because the date is 3.14 which, obviously, is Pi. And because Pi ‘just a little bit more than 3’ it’s a perfect (scientific) reason to buy 4 bottles of wine, phone in sick for tomorrow and make a night of it.


This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.

In fact you could even go the whole hog and have wine and a pie. Or maybe even slightly more than 3 pies and slightly more than 3 bottles.

And now, finally, the multi million dollar question – meaning you can have EVEN MORE wine as a reward for being so fucking intelligent that it hurts: what exactly is Pi? (Spelt without an ‘e’ – even a chimpanzee knows what a pie is.)

Answer: It’s the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter. Equal to 3.14159265358979323846… (the digits go on forever without repeating) and, should you want a handy mnemonic to remember the first few digits (14) then try this strangely relevant one – the numbers of letters in each word correspond to a digit:

“How I like a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy lectures involving quantum mechanics”

A quote: “We all look for happiness, but without knowing where to find it: like drunkards who look for their house, knowing dimly that they have one” Voltaire.


13 March: drunkenly looking skywards.

This site triumphs science over mumbo jumbo quackery and we celebrate its wonders by getting madly drunk on wine. (This is, after all, a chemical effect not some unquantifiable religious ecstasy.)

And so it is that – on this day in 1781 – William Herschel saw what he thought was a comet but was actually the discovery of the planet Uranus. Raise your glasses high to celebrate.


This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.

It reminds me of the time when I mistakenly thought I’d seen a bottle of wine priced up for £5 but, on arriving at the checkout, I became aware it was actually TWO for £9. Like Herschel my initial error soon turned into four bottle legend and ended with me staring longingly into the immense starry sky above.

Science – it’s fantastic.

A quote: “Alcohol is good at disinfecting things. It can clean a surface or erase memories” Richard L. Ratliff


12 March: taking time to recharge your batteries.

12 March is Check Your Batteries Day.

Presumably this means run around the house with a step ladder checking clocks and smoke alarms. Do it, it’s good advice. BUT for a wine drinker there’s a further step – remember to check YOUR batteries!

Are they adequately juiced up for another day at work or another day battling with the ex or having to negotiate with teenagers?


This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.

You’re a resilient monster of persistence but I suspect that, nevertheless, a little of that vital life force has drained away over the last twenty four hours as you’ve battled your way through a world that’s lost its way; newspapers full of celebrity gossip, magazines full of teetotalers propganda and corridors full of fuckwit colleagues rambling on about ‘strategic possibilities.’

This sort of stuff takes it out of you like a French Foreign Legion assault course and today, it’s time to slowly recharge with the essential fuel of life.

And luckily this wonder fuel for the body and brain is easy to come by – it’s in wine. Drink lots and you’ll soon feel tip top again. Then drink some more – you can never be too careful.

A quote:

“The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.” Douglas Adams.


11 March: a never ending red hot flow of wine.

Here you go – I’m no ‘affirmations in front of a mirror’ type person but, today is a post about how, sometimes, out of really shit things comes really great things.

etna wine bottle 2a

This site now has a theme tune. It’s HERE. Click it and read. It adds a majesty to the crap I write.

Take today in 1669 and the Volcano Etna in Italy erupts and kills 15,000 people. Bummer. BUT – that eruption and all the ash, lava and geological stuff it drags up from Hell results in tip top soils to grow grapes for fantastic, taste bud tingling wine. Suddenly a mere 15,000 seems a reasonable cost even at full price – (if you always buy them on offer it’s an even better trade off.)

I’d be quite happy to die to further the experience of piss heads like us (all three of us): getting pleasurably drunk after having a shit day at work surrounded by the great general public and idiotic managers.

It’s not disrespectful as long as you remember to say a silent ‘thanks’ as you raise the glass to your lips.

A quote: “Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you’re allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It’s like killing yourself, and then you’re reborn. I guess I’ve lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.” Bukowski